What Was That? Come Again?

Effort justification (Aronson & Mills, 1959) is when you begin to really like something that you suffer for. This can come about from an initiation into a group, having to pay something yourself instead of being given it, or suffering emotionally or psychologically for some one, thing, or ideal. It is brought about by the discrepancy between the cost and the benefits. We want to believe that the benefits match if not outweigh the costs. So, the more we pay for something, the more we rationalize to ourselves that it is worth, so that we do not experience cognitive dissonance (Festinger, 1957) from the discrepancy between the costs and the benefits.

Okay, so- let's flashback to a fourteen year-old me for a second.

I remember the first girl I asked out. It was sophomore year in high school. Yeah, a little late, but I thought dating in middle school was pointless and girls tended to be a bit bold and make the moves on me. Anyway, moving on, her name was Sarah, and we had been friends since freshman year.

When I decided to ask Sarah out my feelings toward her were complicated. I knew that I liked her, but I wasn't crazy for her. I was, however, determined to finally grow some balls and ask someone out.

I planned it all out, I would do it when we went to Fiesta Texas with ROTC (I had joined it for her). So as the day came I got more and more apprehensive, and by the time Fiesta Texas came, I was in a nervous wreck. I tried not to think about it all day but that was unsuccessful, I thought about it every second. I dreaded the moment, though I knew not when I would finally do it. I was hyper aware of people and of Sarah, trying to catch her alone and waiting for the 'right moment'.

At one point everyone wanted to go on the bumper carts and Sarah didn't want to go, so I stayed behind with her. We were the only two who hadn't gone. The line was long. So I sat down and experienced the most acute psychological stress I had ever felt in my life, and then finally went something to the extent of, "Hey, why don't we go out?"

"What?"

"Well we're really good friends, and we hang out a lot, so I figured- why don't we go out?"

"Wait, one more time?"

"Will you go out with me?"

Well, every time I had to repeat it I suffered exponentially more acute stress! I couldn't even think.

So my question is- guess how much I liked Sarah at the moment I voiced the third proposition? I was madly into her. She was the object of my every desire. Her saying yes would be like God lifting me up straight into Heaven. I realized that without her I would be lost.

A strikingly different picture from how I felt about her before I decided to ask her out. Where I once liked her, I was now infatuated with her. According to effort justification, this makes perfect sense. Asking her out was AGONY, of course my feelings for her knew no bounds! I HAD to be that into her, otherwise, why would I be subjecting myself to the most brutal experience of my life? (do I exaggerate? 14 year old me would think not)

So I guess I can't leave it at that, huh? Do you want to know what she said? Hmm? What was that? Come again? Hehe, just kidding.

"No."

I'm not sure how many awws I'm going to get, depends on how well I made the story, which might not be very well. But to those who like happy endings, I will say that she said no because her friend liked me and it was against the code. But two days later she called me up and said, "Hey, you know what you said the other day? You still want to go out?"

Aaaaand considering this was after two miserable and depressed days full of yet more agony- guess what I said?



Aronson, e., & Mills, J. (1959). The effect of severity of initiation on liking for a group. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 59, 177-181.

Festinger, L. (1957). A theory of cognitive dissonance. Stanford, C.A: Stanford University Press.